So it's finally Thursday. This has been such a long and stressful week. Two exams, one which seemed impossible-- but I got through it. Last night was longggg as I was trying to finish up my application to CSUSM as well as study for the big Anthro exam I had today. It was ridiculous things that I had to know, like basically every type of old world monkey, new world monkey, ape, prosimians, and humans, and describing their locomotor pattern and society. Among about twenty other pages of things to know. I really don't like it when I'm stressed. I really am not the best person when I am.

I also did go to that college group on Tuesday like I said I would. Everyone was really nice, and I had fun just playing card games and eating..of course. Ha ha. Me and food.  I met a few people that go to CSUSM and it really doesn't seem like that bad of an option now.

This Saturday for Halloween I'll be volunteering at my new church so that should be fun. I love carnival-type things. And kids are cool too...most of the time ! I'll probably go around and eat lots of free food and candy before I start my shift though. I think it's only for an hour. 

Anyways, I'm at the library... and I should be working on my Macro.

peace&&love.

Today I walked into class and expected to take my Psych exam. Little did I know that the little old man/prof who was packing up his things would accidentally pack it up with him. So the test got moved to Wednesday. I feel like several of the profs put zero effort into their classes. The powerpoints are even from the company that makes the book. Regardless, I've still been putting as much, if not more, time and effort into it as I did at Biola.

It's been hard lately. Not knowing anyone in the whole city is tough. When I first moved here I tried out so many college groups, which were more like college services. Those were okay, but too big and not a way to meet new people. I faced my fear and checked out a small group. The people were so nice, but were all married and in their late 20's. Not exactly where I would feel the most comfortable. I guess after that I got scared off and have just been not brave enough to check out another one. However, I guess I'll be sucking it up and checking out another one tomorrow. Hopefully it's good. It's game night and make-your-own pizza night, so I'm hoping it'll be chill and I'll be able to meet some people there.

I need to spend more time in devotions. It always gets pushed back to the last thing at night, even though I have plenty of time during the day. By that time, I'm just ready to crash, so I read one of my favorite verses that I post-it'd up on the wall next to my bed quickly and go to sleep. I really need to change that bad habit. Today I had to spend about two hours trying to find out the different genus and species for various characteristics of primates for anthropology, including the leaf-eaters, those with prehensile tails, live in monogamous pair bonds...etc. They try so hard to be convincing as to all the evidence that is provided for our existence and evolution.
It makes me sick-- which is why I need some down time with Him even more.

Wish me luck for tomorrow.  Hopefully there'll be people my age. Ha ha. It's 18-25 so...I'm praying I'm not the youngest.

<3

change.

It's funny how much time changes things. I've been really thinking about how much I have changed since moving back here to California in a mere year and a half. It interests me that there are both so many good and bad things that I have noticed different about myself.

I guess I can start off with the good stuff. I've grown up, period. This involves getting on track with my spiritual walk as well as priorities in my life. Things that used to interest me has totally been flipped around, and I know that it's all God. I've also learned to love exactly who God has made me.

Now to the ugly part. Ha ha. I guess I had a lot of emotions before about everything. I wouldn't call myself an emotional person, because I definitely wasn't one of those people that cried about everything or anything crazy like that. But I definitely did care about others a lot, maybe too much. Growing up and moving around everywhere definitely made me become that way after the countless good-byes that I would have to say. I can't really decide if this change is good or bad, as I have now discovered for the first time in my life, that my emotions have hardened and I really am not wishing that I am anywhere else. I don't overwhelming-ly miss somebody. This may sound crazy, but I am just so used to saying good-bye to people I love and missing them, but now I am completely happy exactly where I am. So I guess that's not a bad thing. I'm actually glad that I am truly genuinely happy, because my circumstances haven't been the best lately. Even though it's been hard starting at a new school, not knowing anyone, and my college life being shifted from extremely social to I guess you could call it the "average community college life," I've learned to be fine with it. God has it all under control. And I know that patience is produced through trials and suffering. He's preparing me for something greater, this is just the stepping stone. Honestly, I don't even care where I end up going to college next year. It used to mean the world to me, but if I'm not back at Biola, I'm pretty sure I'll be just fine. It's crazy how life has been so busy busy go go for the past two years..and now it's slow and I'm just trying to get a job to fill my time. Even though life isn't crazy packed..I somehow barely spend time with God.

A verse here and there is all I do. I need to dig deeper into it. All I really want right now is to meet good Christian friends who can encourage me in my walk and I can go to college group with. All the college groups I've tried out have been a flop or impersonal, and now I'm just sick of looking. I've found a good church that me and my whole family like, so that's been good.

This is just my ramblings at 1am. But I think it helps to just put some of my thoughts onto paper... or the comp.

I haven't been on this thing in forever.
I guess I've had to write so many thoughts out for all of my classes that I'm all tired out !
I feel like a senior all over again. Why am I worrying about apps ? When I was a senior super stressed out with all this, I consoled myself by saying I would never ever have to fill out college apps again. Little did I know. . .
I should probably get going on those. I filled out two of the Cal State ones, but haven't submitted them yet. I'm still trying to ask God for guidance, because I have no idea where I wanna go yet ! Basically, all my options are looking good. I won't have to start from square one from any of the ones I'm applying at. Well, except for CSU San Marcos. But if I go there I can live comfortably at home without a roommate or anything. Not that having a roommate doesn't have it's perks I suppose. But I am just loving having my own room and having alone time for the first time in two years. It's a lot more relaxing than I remember ( :

My Anthro class is seriously killing me. I really need to read a book or listen to a wise Christian scientist speak about all this. It's just so confusing. The last question my prof asked me was : How can you, as an intellectual student, not believe all the evidence for evolution ?

I haven't been able to find a good solid answer for this yet. I know that it's possible that microevolution occurs, but I most certainly do not believe in macroevolution. I found it hilarious that the article I had to read this week for the class was about economics and how it evolved as it is seen in primates like monkeys.

I need to start diggin' up my good old foundations book and find words to say !