change.

It's funny how much time changes things. I've been really thinking about how much I have changed since moving back here to California in a mere year and a half. It interests me that there are both so many good and bad things that I have noticed different about myself.

I guess I can start off with the good stuff. I've grown up, period. This involves getting on track with my spiritual walk as well as priorities in my life. Things that used to interest me has totally been flipped around, and I know that it's all God. I've also learned to love exactly who God has made me.

Now to the ugly part. Ha ha. I guess I had a lot of emotions before about everything. I wouldn't call myself an emotional person, because I definitely wasn't one of those people that cried about everything or anything crazy like that. But I definitely did care about others a lot, maybe too much. Growing up and moving around everywhere definitely made me become that way after the countless good-byes that I would have to say. I can't really decide if this change is good or bad, as I have now discovered for the first time in my life, that my emotions have hardened and I really am not wishing that I am anywhere else. I don't overwhelming-ly miss somebody. This may sound crazy, but I am just so used to saying good-bye to people I love and missing them, but now I am completely happy exactly where I am. So I guess that's not a bad thing. I'm actually glad that I am truly genuinely happy, because my circumstances haven't been the best lately. Even though it's been hard starting at a new school, not knowing anyone, and my college life being shifted from extremely social to I guess you could call it the "average community college life," I've learned to be fine with it. God has it all under control. And I know that patience is produced through trials and suffering. He's preparing me for something greater, this is just the stepping stone. Honestly, I don't even care where I end up going to college next year. It used to mean the world to me, but if I'm not back at Biola, I'm pretty sure I'll be just fine. It's crazy how life has been so busy busy go go for the past two years..and now it's slow and I'm just trying to get a job to fill my time. Even though life isn't crazy packed..I somehow barely spend time with God.

A verse here and there is all I do. I need to dig deeper into it. All I really want right now is to meet good Christian friends who can encourage me in my walk and I can go to college group with. All the college groups I've tried out have been a flop or impersonal, and now I'm just sick of looking. I've found a good church that me and my whole family like, so that's been good.

This is just my ramblings at 1am. But I think it helps to just put some of my thoughts onto paper... or the comp.